The Hard Way

I have never thought of myself as a procrastinator. If anything, I feel I am just teetering on the edge of the extreme opposite... obsessive/compulsiveness. I was a great student in seminary just 2 years ago. I tackled papers and projects with a vengeance for four years until all the work was completed to the very best of my ability, and I try to do the same in all I do, but sometimes my best does not measure up to my expectations of what I could do if I just knew how to do it better. It's very frustrating-thinking that way.

I realized yesterday, as I sat down to write THE BOOK, that I have two books going in my head; one contains just the facts, which are so interesting; the other contains the emotion and paints a picture for the reader to become immersed in all aspects of the farm...the family, the house, the land, the people who share the land now. (I can put the two together at certain points, but then it changes the whole audience of the book.) The second book is easier to write because it just flows out of my thoughts and into the computer and I can put "my voice" (as my friend/writer Beverly Hamel says) to it readily. They cannot be woven together yet, so as I sit down to write, I will move from one story to the other. Who knows, maybe I will come to a fork where they just naturally flow together to make one big picture. I want to discover it for myself though, and not have to work so hard to get there because there's a format I should follow. (Even though, I said up at the top that it would be easier if I just knew how to do it.) I love self-discovery, because I have to rely on God and look within myself, and I know there will come a time when I will have to consult with some wise friends who have gone down this path ahead of me. Having it all unfold just internalizes it more and makes the journey a part of me, as opposed to something I am just doing for the sake of completing a project. (It's the teacher in me. I love being TAUGHT.)

I hope you do too. It's never too late to learn something wonderful!